1. Is something keeping me from beginning my “fearless” and “searching” inventory? What?
Yes, there is a small part of me that does not want to go through this again. I spend enough time trying to avoid thinking about the past. I am a bit nervous that looking back is going to put me in a funky space. While I know being in a funky space is a choice, it is a fear I should probably acknowledge.
2. What action, no matter how small, am I willing to take to overcome my procrastination?
I am not really one for procrastination so I am not that worried about it. My desire to recover and remain abstinent is much greater than my fear of completing a 4th step inventory. Fortunately, once I make a decision to do something, I am more than willing to work at making it happen.
3. Am I willing to do a written inventory?
Ew! This was not easy the first time around. There is something about writing down my stuff demands that I stop being in denial about it. The truth continues to set me free!
4. What are some of the ways in which I can do my inventory? What approach will I take?
I like that the OA 12 + 12 says there is no right or wrong way to complete an inventory. I’m open to process. I liked the way I completed the inventory the first time. However, I would like to try a different process this time around. My sponsor tends to be more of a stickler about these things so I will wait and see what she has to say about it.
5. Why is it important for me to take a balanced view of myself?
Good question. I’m not sure I really have a “good” answer. These days “balanced” to me is being totally aware and seeing things as they really are, without judgment. So, in this sense, it is important for me to get a total view of myself without judging myself one way or the other. While I do not think I’m a horrible person, I do spend more take than I’d like beating up myself about people and situations over which I have no control.
