One Year

It's been exactly one year that I have been living alone.

I wish I had something interesting or profound to say about it. I've been thinking about all day today. For the most part, I have been thinking about how sad I was when I moved; I was sad, angry, and broken.

I'm glad I can say I'm in a much better place now. Throughout the transition, I did not turn to food for comfort. What a miracle!

Why am I Angry?

While working through the steps, I have realized just how much of an angry person I had become. I had no idea I was full of so much anger and resentment. I was angry because I couldn’t get my way. I was angry because I couldn’t control things. I was angry because I felt mistreated and misunderstood in my life. The list goes on….

One of the lessons I am learning through program is acceptance.
For me, this means living in the present moment and accepting things just as they are. “Stay in the Now” is my motto.

I don't always do a good job with staying in the now. I have a tendency to stew about how things were the past or worry about how things should be in the future.

I am learning to live joyfully in the present and I am finding peace and serenity like I’ve never experienced in my life.
I am grateful for this program. I have been abstinent for six months. The anger fades and each day I find a little more to be joyful about.
Last week I ran across a quote that said something like…

When it comes to the past, you can choose to be bitter or better. I choose to be better – one day at a time.

Miracle Miles

I went out of town this weekend to attend a memorial service. I am sharing this because I went to remember the miracles which occurred. I love road trips. In fact, I love weekend trips. They were another excuse to eat a bunch of fast/junk food.

I am so happy to share that I drove over 900 miles this weekend and did not eat any fast food. Every once and while the Golden Arches would sing out to me, but I just kept on driving.

I saw my father during this trip. I love my father but we tend to butt heads if we’re in the same room too long. Usually, I would just try to suck it up until I can’t take it anymore and then explode. One of the ways I would have dealt with my Dad was to eat to numb my feelings. This weekend, I stayed present and actually had a nice time. I didn’t force myself to be around my Dad any longer than I wanted to. The old Sheila would have felt very guilty about it. I also thought it was weird when my sister started complaining about my Dad I defended him.

I knew my Dad was going to be there. A few cousins who I hadn’t seen in a decade were also there. I was able to interact with them without much anxiety.

All weekend I did not allow myself to be pressured into doing things I did not want to do. When my Dad’s wife called and asked me to come over, I politely said no. When they tried to convince me to stay longer, I politely said no. I did feel a bit guilty about not staying longer but I got over it quickly.

I was absolutely amazed at how well I did with honoring and taking care of me. On the ride home, my sponsor I shared the miracles I had witnessed all weekend.

Happy Valentine's Day!

This year is the first time in 11 years I have celebrated Valentine’s Day as a single person. I had a really good day. The first thing I did this morning is tell myself how much I love me. I then posted it on my Facebook Wall: Happy Valentine’s Day, Sheila. I love you!

Celebrate Recovery!

Hello!  My name is Sheila and I am a compulsive overeater.

Before I post my response to an OA workbook question, I wanted to blog for a bit about my recovery.  I've spent the past couple of days looking at my past.  I felt myself getting down in the dumps so this morning I had to remind myself about what I have accomplished.

Today I have been abstinent 114 days!  I also started daily exercise.  I'm on Day 23.  My goal is to exercise every day this year.  I recently set a personal record.  I can now do 45 minutes of cardio.  Yesterday when I was at the gym, I remember when I could barely do 5 minutes of cardio.  This is when I started thinking about how I need to be more diligent about positive self talk. 

Anyhow, working through the Workbook is definitely bringing up a lot of emotions for me.  I'm so used to running away from my emotions.  I am proud of myself for having the courage to look at myself and change.

The other day someone at a meeting said he felt going through the steps while still compulsive overeating was a waste of time.  Now, I don't know about that but I do know that it would be much more difficult for me to go through these questions if I wasn't abstinent. 

I have so much clarity on mind, body, and spirit right now.  My life is much more peaceful.  I am filled with so much gratitude these day.  So far, I've released 70 pounds.  Thank you, recovery!