Forgiveness

Step 2 Writing

“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

During today’s meeting we read Step 2 in the OA 12 + 12. I’ve read this chapter many times yet today so many things struck me. It started last night. I realized that my HP, God, has been speaking to me through so many people this week. First it was a quote one of my friends on Facebook posted:

"Relationships never end, because they're of the mind; only bodies can separate. When you're missing someone, know it just means that on a soul level they've come to visit." ~ ♥ Marianne Williamson

This quote was right on time! Earlier that morning I had been thinking about my mother, missing her so much, and beating myself up about it. She made her transition in 1998! So this quote shifted my perspective from thinking that I was hopelessly still mourning my mother’s transition to something very powerful and positive.

The second message came when I shared a thought I have been having lately with my sponsor. I have been very frustrated with myself because I have been obsessing about food, what I can’t have, what I want, why I have to measure my food, why I should continue keeping a food journal, etc. I have been seeing all these wonderful ideas about things to serve at Super Bowl parties and thinking I can’t have any of it. Anyhow, I questioned why I was still having all these thoughts when I thought abstinence was all about the elimination of obsessive food thoughts. My sponsor wisely replied that she occasionally has these thoughts and that they will go away in HP’s time. Again, a shift in my perspective –I want things to happen in my time -- which I have no control over anything. Let go, let God! As a result, for the remainder of the week, I have had the most peaceful time working my food plan.

Thursday was Spin class. Even though I was tired all day, I was so looking forward to it. For whatever reason, class was very hard for me. Fifteen minutes into it I thought about getting off the bike and leaving. Instead, I closed my eyes and kept going. I made it through class and even made some improvement. The instructor advised me to take note of our average RPM each class. Last week I was at 51, this week it was 55. Yet, I was feeling so down and discouraged, telling myself I was way too fat and out of shape for this class. When the instructor said we should be going at least 70, I was at 50, and so on. I was struggling with the resistance, too! The previous week she advised me to focus on resistance and the speed would come. Yet, I still felt discouraged. As I was leaving, she smiled at me and said good job. I went to my car and cried. Part of it was feeling sorry for myself, I also felt embarrassed that she probably noticed how much I was struggling, the rest was gratitude. I needed some encouragement at that time.

Then, last night, out of the blue, one of my fitness pals wrote a comment on my page – “the old you would envy the new you.” I have no idea, except that it was God, why he wrote that. While I would say “admire instead of envy”, he is exactly right. The old Sheila is so very proud of the “new” Sheila. Here was yet another angel, another reminder to just keep doing what I am doing and leave the rest to God. Each time I had some crazy, off-the-wall thought, my Higher Power was right there to set me straight and restore me to sanity. I am very grateful for a very peaceful, abstinent week.