Step Six Chart

WILLINGNESS is the principle behind the 6th Step. Once we are aware of our defects of character, our task is to be willing to do the footwork of the program and keep ourselves open and willing to the metamorphosis that HP will facilitate in our lives.

One more issue involved in the Sixth Step is who we will be once our defects of character are removed.

What are some of my character defects and their positive counterparts?

Character Defects/Shortcoming--->Program Principles
Self-seeking---> Service
Dishonest---> Honest
Judgmental---> Tolerance/Acceptance/Compassion
Fear---> Courage
People Pleaser---> Acceptance/Humility
Pride---> Humility/Seeking God’s will
Anger---> Acceptance/Love/Serenity
Perfectionism---> “Progress, not Perfection”
Impatience---> Patience/Serenity
Intolerance---> Tolerance/Serenity
Resentment---> Acceptance/Serenity/Forgiveness
Anger/Hate---> Love/Tolerance
Harmful Acts---> Good deeds
Self-pity---> Gratitude/Love/Acceptance
Ego---> Willingness/Awareness
Self-Will---> Willingness/Surrender
Arrogance---> Humility
Suspicion---> Trust
Doubt---> Faith
Low self-esteem---> Acceptance/Humility

The Power of Forgiveness

I attended an awesome workshop today.
Over the past year a recurring theme has come up for me – forgiveness. So when I found out about this workshop, I knew I had to go. I’m glad I decided to go.
The first people I see when I walk into the center are my former chiropractor and his wife. It was nice to see them. It’s nice to see people who haven’t seen me since I dropped the weight; it’s a reminder of how far I’ve come.
So many gems were offered. Much of it was information I have already heard but obviously haven’t embraced. The capacity to forgive is within us. I’ll keep listening until something click.
I like the question: What is the benefit of being unforgiving?
We believe there is some benefit in resentment, blame, harboring anger. For me, it’s protection. I have been hurt and disappointed and do not want to be hurt and disappointed again. I also do not understand what I did to be treated so poorly. Even though I know it’s not about me, I still can’t believe the other person wouldn’t even consider my feelings. I felt I deserved better.
The teacher went on to explain samsara – the cycle of impure life, the cycle of problem. He then explains that the key to forgiveness is the power of acceptance. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve heard this before. Why can’t I get it? He then explains that resentment is rejecting reality. Life happens. We can either live in denial or deal.

Twelve Steps to a Better Holiday Season

I saw this posted elsewhere. I really like it.

Twelve Steps to a Better Holiday Season

1. We admitted the holiday season has a deeper meaning than devouring food.
2. We came to believe a power greater than ourselves could help us see and celebrate the true meaning of the season.
3. We came to believe our Higher Power could help us appreciate the joyfulness of the season as we understand it.
4. We made a searching and thorough examination of our relationship with food during the holidays and other things we enjoy about the season.
5. We admitted to our Higher Power the exact nature of our food habits during holiday seasons past.
6. We became entirely ready to allow our Higher Power to remove our attachment to food as a necessity of the holidays.
7. We humbly asked him to remove our desire to partake of holiday treats.
8. We made a list of all persons whose presence makes the holiday season joyful for us and with whom we would like to share our joy.
9. We made plans to spend time with those people whenever possible, except when to do so would remove us from our primary purpose of abstinence.
10. We continued to enjoy the company of friends and family and other non-food aspects of the season.
11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our appreciation of the season, praying for knowledge of its meaning and the joy we feel at this time.
12. Having realised that sharing the joy of this season with others far outlasts the fleeting pleasure of food, we gave ourselves the gift of abstinence throughout the holidays and gave others the gift of our full attention and appreciation.

Thy Will Be Done

Woo hoo! I receive some wonderful news about an unresolved situation. I am very grateful to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I’ve been saying the Acceptance and Resentment Prayers on a regular basis for some time now. Yesterday I found a different Resentment Prayer. It was just what I needed to pray yesterday. It is boldly arrogant of me to expect forgiveness and grace while not being able to offer it to another.
So, I thinking…would I be as happy if the news I received today wasn’t what I wanted? The answer is yes because I have come to a sense of peace about the situation. This is of the upmost importance to me. My peace of mind is my top priority.

I’m so glad I surrendered to God’s will about this. Although it is taking a longer than I would like, I do have a wonderful sense of peace about it. This is worth more than anything to me. So, this is what it means when you say: Thy Will be done. Awesome!

****************************Resentment Prayer************************

A Prayer for Release from Resentment

by Peter Marshall

Lord Jesus, You know me completely. You know that I have steadily refused to forgive this one who has wronged me, yet have had the audacity often to seek Your forgiveness for my own wrongdoing.

The acids of bitterness and a vengeful spirit have threatened to eat away my peace. Yet I have stubbornly rationalized every unlovely motive. I have said, "I am clearly in the right. It is only human to dislike a few people. This one deserves no forgiveness." How well I know that neither have I ever deserved the forgiveness which You have always freely granted me.

So, Lord Jesus, I ask You now for the grace to forgive this hurt. Even now, I am divided about it, only partially willing to release it. But You can manage even my reluctance, my loitering feet. Take now my divided will and make it one piece, wholly Your will.

And Lord, I give to You this emotion of resentment which clings as if glued to my heart. Take it from me. Cleanse every petty thought. Make me sweet again.

I dare to ask that You will not forgive me to the extent that I have forgiven _____, but that You will bless _____ to the degree that You have blessed me. For these great mercies I thank You, in Your name, who gave me the supreme example in forgiving even those who crucified You. Amen.

Rewiring

Reading this amazing book titled Mindfulness and the 12 Steps. Today I spent some time thinking about how to rewire my emotional patterns. Jacobs-Stewart talks about how our internal responses to external events bring about our suffering (dukkha.) It reminds me of what one of my spiritual teachers calls a situational sequence.

Just today I recognized an emotional pattern or situational sequence. This time last year my therapist invited me to write a letter to my ex. I couldn’t do it. So, here I am almost a year later. I have a session on Thursday. Last month I was asked to write a letter to my ex and I still haven’t done it. I do not want to do it. I don’t have anything to say.

Well, I should say I don’t have anything but angry, bitter words to say and I really do not want to go there. I also realize that this whole letter-writing thing reminds me too much of the past. Writing letters to someone who is too afraid (and really too emotionally sick) to communicate. Writing to her was a desperate act. I’ve grown weary of baring my soul to have it dishonored with lies, deceit, and manipulation. Now that I know what I know, I’m not willing to put myself out there. Ego, ego, ego.

Yet, I remind myself I have no control over another. I realize my own attachment, my own expectations, my own fears. So, just because I write a letter, it doesn’t mean I have to send it. If I send it, I do not have to expect a response. If I get a response, I do not have to read it. There are plenty of choices. Not sure which one I will take but I do know it will be the “right” one for me.

I will continue to pray. I will continue to meditate until “the mind is calm enough to see things as they really are.”

Namaste.

Self-Will

One of the most valuable lessons I am learning is about how I have allowed self-will to run riot in my life.

So very grateful for the message/reminder I received today. I love this so much that I am going to copy and paste it here as well as print a copy:

Recovery Meditations ~ Self-Will ~ One Day at a Time ~ November 10, 2011
:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

RECOVERY MEDITATIONS
One Day at a Time
November 10, 2011

~ SELF-WILL ~

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

Our whole trouble has been the misuse of
willpower. We had tried to bombard our
problems with it instead of attempting
to bring it into agreement with God's
intention for us.

The AA Twelve and Twelve

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

I want the answers to all my questions
and the solutions to all of my problems
RIGHT NOW. Furthermore, I want to tell
my Higher Power what I want those
answers and solutions to be. I think I
know what's best for me and what will
bring long-lasting peace and serenity to
my life.

My self-will has gotten me hurt and
possibly caused me to hurt others. It
has convinced me I could do things my
way and everything would be just
fine. My self-will has helped me lie to
myself about my disease of compulsive
overeating, anorexia, or bulimia; it has
convinced me that darkness was light and
that I should have what I want exactly
when I want it.

How grateful I am that my Higher Power
loves me enough to not take my advice!
How grateful I am that, after I've
plunged head-first into the same wall at
least one hundred times as I tried to
force my own answers and solutions, my
Higher Power is waiting patiently to
bless me by leading me where He would
have me go. How grateful I am that I
don't have to run into the wall of my
self-will as often or as hard as I once
did. One day, maybe I won't run into it
at all.

ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .

I can let go of self-will and remember
that the Third Step says we "made a
decision to turn our will and our lives
over the the care of God as we
understood Him." The care of God ... God
can take better care of me than I can of
myself.

~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~
http://www.therecoverygroup.org/meditations/november.html
http://www.therecoverygroup.org/meditations/selfwill.html

Rigorous Honesty

One of the attributes needed for recovery is "rigorous honesty." I've been spending a lot of time thinking about honesty. I guess it means different things to different people. My definition certainly has changed over the last year.

Not too long ago, I discovered someone once very close to me is complusive liar. It's so ironic that I was so close to someone so deceitful while I considered myself a truth seeker. Now, that's God and Its sense of humor. I knew this person told lies. Most of the time it really wasn't worth confronting her about them.

Hell, we all tell lies from time to time, right? Wrong! Not to the extent of this person. To know her, you would never think she was so dishonest and deceitful. It's pretty sad because on the outside she appears to have it all together while on the inside she is a very dark and sick person.

To this day, I am still baffled at all the elaborate lies she told. It takes a lot of energy, creativity, intelligent, and pain to create all those lies -- and for so long. She probably became so accustomed to lying that it became difficult for her to tell the difference between truth and fiction. It just goes to show you how powerful the mind and dis-ease can be. A friend said the difference between someone like her and a mental patient is that the mental patient got caught.

Anyhow, I was thinking about honesty and denial. I don't ever want to be in that space where I cannot tell the difference between the truth and a lie. I've lived in denial long enough. I understand dis-ease can be "cunning, baffling, and powerful." This is why it is important to practice rigorous honesty.

Today when I pulled out my driver's license, I was reminded that I have been in denial (and lying) about something for quite some time -- my weight. I'm sure the people who work at the DMV joke about this all the time. There was a time I weighed over 100 pounds of the weight listed on my driver's license. Right now, I weigh about 25 pounds more. Not bad but still not good. It's not the truth.

My license expires next year. When the time comes, no matter how much I weigh, I'm putting down the correct weight.

Service

Today I did something totally out of my comfort zone. I volunteered for a service position at my home meeting.

One Breath at a Time

This has been a challenging week for me. However, I have found that my difficulties have worked wonders for my program. This week I started reading One Breath at a Time. It's one of the books we're discussing in my meditation meeting. This book was right on point for me. With all the B.S. going on right now, I like what Kevin Griffin says about how we can consider our troubles: fertilizer for spiritual growth.

Works for me!