I Need An Intervention!

I have been struggling this week. I feel like I’m slip, sliding away…. I did some soul-searching last night. There is not one thing I can put my finger on. I know it’s just my dis-eased thinking. I can’t seem to let go of my self will. I realize that I do not trust my HP. I want to be in control. I feel like I try to do what is right and I do not get what I think I deserve in return. If I’m honest with myself, I know that is not true. However, the dis-ease seems more powerful these days. I allow it to wreak havoc on my thoughts. I know the thoughts are not real yet they overwhelm me.

I say I want peace and no drama in my life yet I feel bored with the day-to-day humdrum of working my program. What else do I need to do? I have a great life. I have so many things to be grateful for. Why is that not enough? Why do I think eating a bag of jelly beans is going to make me any more happy than I already feel? I do not have many complaints in my life right now. It all boils done to my weight. When I take inventory that is the only thing I want to change right now. OA says it’s really not about the weight. If so, then what is it?????? Whatever it is, I need to fix it and fix it fast before I do something stupid!
I do not like the space I’m in right now. I’m getting ready to travel and so many thoughts are going through my head, obsessive thoughts about food and other crap. I need an intervention!