Changes -- Part Two

Well, I no longer have a sponsor. Part of me is sad and then other part of me feels such a relief. I loved my sponsor with all my heart but lately I was beginning to resent her. I guess it’s time for a change. She was my sponsor for three years and she’s always been a bit overbearing. I appreciated that she wanted to help me become and stay abstinent. I guess what really annoyed me is that she could not see her part in any disagreement we had. Either I agreed with her or I had a problem.

I know she meant well but it became too much for me. She was like a nagging spouse. It did not matter to her if I had been abstinent when I forgot to check in with her. Yes, I agreed to daily check-ins but you would think after three years forgetting to check in every once in a while when I was busy would not have been such a big deal. It was for her.

I guess I am a bit more tolerant. I sponsored people who missed a few days (and were not working their program) and I did not fly off the handle about it. I miss a day or two here and there (while working my program) and it is a federal offense. Yes, I take recovery seriously but I also believe in treating people like they are adults. When I made any attempt to say anything about her tone, her feelings were hurt. Even my therapist laughed about the time she told me she thought I needed to work on my social skills. I thought it was funny that she wasn’t used to someone being so upfront and direct with her. I started getting the feeling something was going on with her. She is sponsoring like seven people. Where does she find the time for all that?

So, Thursday when I received a text from her that she wanted to speak to me about sponsorship, I prayed and made up my mind it was time to move on. Now, for the tricky part…how to do this without hurting her feelings? I decided to play it cool and let her do most of the talking. I just bit my tongue and agreed. After three years, I know I would get nowhere with telling her how I really felt about the situation. Truth is…I felt like she was giving me an ultimatum. I miss a check in and she wants to hold sponsoring me over my head??? Screw that! I want to do my check-ins because I want to do them for me and my recovery, not because I am afraid my sponsor will drop me.

She gave me this speech about being disappointed. She even had the nerve to tell me she thinks I need to go back to therapy. I told her I did not want to waste her time. I cannot express the sense of relief I felt when the call was done. Even though my ego wanted to say more, my heart was so happy I did not hurt her feelings. A part of me feels kind of bad for being a little deceptive but I know she is way too sensitive for me to tell her I am not giving up on my recovery, I’m just sick of her sh*t!

We'll see where this journey leads now...