My therapy session went well on Monday. I am so glad I was able to work out some issues concerning my ex. We moved onto other issues. We discussed the situation with my ex. I love my therapist. After speaking with her, I do feel some compassion for my sponsor. I’m still not sure what to do. I want to honor her feelings yet I do not think our relationship is going to be very effective if it isn’t resolved soon. Maybe we’ve gone as far as we can go together. I’m also thinking that maybe she doesn’t have enough experience as a sponsor. After all, she only has two more months abstinence than me. Like my therapist suggested, maybe I triggered something. I also like how my therapist pointed out that I could use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. She suggested that I speak with my sponsor. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to do that when she won’t speak with me on the phone right now.
It’s really not serving me. Tonight I feel like talking and I can’t call. It does give me the opportunity to reach out to others for support. However, I still can’t help resent the fact that if I called my sponsor she wouldn’t take my call. I’ve thought about calling anyhow…but I’m not sure if she would see it as a sign I’m not honoring her request and I’m not sure how I would react if she rejected me. All I know is that this is not good for my recovery.
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