Willingness

Last weekend while at the retreat, I asked Spirit for willingness. I sent my intent to manifest the willingness to do whatever it takes to recover. I was so happy that God blessed me with the willingness to workout every day this week. I’m beginning to get back into my exercise groove and it feels good. This morning while meditating Spirit pressed upon my heart the notion that I have to release some food items that are beginning to become a problem for me. I heard the message but didn’t think too much of it. As I was gathering my things to leave for this morning’s meeting, I saw my Serenity coin on my dining room table. I took it to the retreat with me because my sponsor gave it to me and I wanted her there with me. I again thought about what Spirit had said to me about those items. I argued that I really don’t have a problem with them. It’s not like I have them every day. However, I grabbed the coin, put it in my pocket, and left for the meeting. On the way to the meeting, I see these Girls Scouts waving signs that say “Last Chance.” Ha, I think, my Higher Power certainly has a sense of humor. I was like, I’ve given up soooo much. I then began thinking about all the wonderful gifts I was given during the retreat and while I’ve been in OA. I sat through the meeting fighting back tears. I shared with the group that I was very emotional today and that I was so glad that I could share anything with them. I’m so glad I am not alone on this journey. So, I’m adding those items to my list of foods. I feel kind of sad about it – which confirms they were a problem. They are contributing to physical urges/carvings, mental obsession, and I do not want that in my life. For example, I just went to the store and had to tell myself I am no longer buying them. What are they? Dried ranberries! Stupid dried cranberries! The other day I heard myself negotiating about when and how to eat dried cranberries. As soon as I did that, the red flag was raised. The other day I bought a single serving of granola with cranberries just to check to make sure. When I did that, I knew I was in trouble. So, it’s official. I’m off cranberries! I’m a little pouty about it but I’ll get over it. I do want to end by thanking Spirit for blessing me with the willingness to be honest.