Making Amends

At this week’s meeting we read Step Eight in OA 12 + 12, I shared about putting myself on the list of persons I have harm.  I caused so much harm to my mind, spirit, and body.  One of the ways I am making an amends to myself is by limiting the negative self-talk.  I am also working on my relationship with Spirit, praying and meditating daily.  I am taking care of my body by eating healthy foods.  I am also exercising.  The other day while I was running and struggling to breathe I just instinctively said to my body, “I’m sorry.”  I was apologizing to my body for not taking better care for so long.  I would be struggling so much if I had done a better job.  However, I’m not going to beat myself up about it.  I’m going to continue doing my best to take care of me.  I’m going to love Sheila and make sure I put her oxygen mask on my first.  I know I caused a lot of harm to myself by putting others’ needs ahead of my own.  It was misguided.  It wasn’t like I didn’t love myself.  I thought I was being selfless.  I have now learned there’s a huge difference between selfish and self-love.   I love Sheila and I’m going to take care of her.  She deserves the best.