Miracle Miles

I went out of town this weekend to attend a memorial service. I am sharing this because I went to remember the miracles which occurred. I love road trips. In fact, I love weekend trips. They were another excuse to eat a bunch of fast/junk food.

I am so happy to share that I drove over 900 miles this weekend and did not eat any fast food. Every once and while the Golden Arches would sing out to me, but I just kept on driving.

I saw my father during this trip. I love my father but we tend to butt heads if we’re in the same room too long. Usually, I would just try to suck it up until I can’t take it anymore and then explode. One of the ways I would have dealt with my Dad was to eat to numb my feelings. This weekend, I stayed present and actually had a nice time. I didn’t force myself to be around my Dad any longer than I wanted to. The old Sheila would have felt very guilty about it. I also thought it was weird when my sister started complaining about my Dad I defended him.

I knew my Dad was going to be there. A few cousins who I hadn’t seen in a decade were also there. I was able to interact with them without much anxiety.

All weekend I did not allow myself to be pressured into doing things I did not want to do. When my Dad’s wife called and asked me to come over, I politely said no. When they tried to convince me to stay longer, I politely said no. I did feel a bit guilty about not staying longer but I got over it quickly.

I was absolutely amazed at how well I did with honoring and taking care of me. On the ride home, my sponsor I shared the miracles I had witnessed all weekend.

Sponsorship

Today I became a sponsor. I am very happy for the opportunity to be of service to someone else. Today as I was praying for guidance, I realized that it is not a coincidence that the day after I end therapy, I become a sponsor. One of the last things my therapist said to me was to keep working in OA so I could help others. Well, I guess she was right.

As I was preparing Step One materials for my sponsee, I realized how I am also going to benefit from going through the steps with her. Today, I read the Step One prayer I used to say every day when I was working on Step One. It’s been a while since I said this prayer. I also reread OA 12 + 12; I receive something new from it each time I read it. I also started reading the Doctor’s Opinion in the AA Big Book.

My sponsor always says to me that I help her just as much as she helps me. Truthfully, I sometime think it’s just some B.S. line she says just so I won’t feel bad about reaching out to her. Now, I know what she means. It’s only been day one and I see how my recovery is going to take on another dimension.

"Two Against One"

This is the text I just sent my sponsor. I just finished eating dinner and want, I repeat, want to eat more. It's not like I need to eat more. My body is satisfied. My spirit is satisfied. My mind, on the other hand, says, MORE!

Action, not Reaction

One of the many lessons I learned while working the steps was how often I reacted to a situation instead of acting. There’s a big difference. For me, the difference is my focus. When I am reacting, I am focusing on the other. When I am acting, my focus is on me and my journey.

Today’s question asks what actions do I take daily to help me continue my recovery. This is the basis of Step 10.

Yesterday I looked at my calendar and realized I have been abstinent 140 days. I could not have come this far without the help of Spirit/God, my wonderful sponsor (we’re getting along wonderfully, by the way,) my OA fellows, and taking action.

Each day I begin my day by checking in with my sponsor and I read For Today.

Meditation is also a very essential part of my recovery and spiritual practice. I was just sharing with someone that other day how I am beginning to realize that meditation is key in helping me stay present and awareness.

I also pray every day. Each day I pray for me and my sponsor that we end the day in peace and abstinence. I also pray and say grace before each meal. I give thanks for an abstinent meal and pray for abstinence for my OA fellows – whether they’re in program or not. I add that part because I like how my face to face meeting ends by praying for those who still suffering from COE.

At the end of the day, I submit my food plan and complete a check in list, a gratitude list, and a Step 10 inventory to my sponsor.
These are the actions I take on a daily basis, without fail.

On a regular basis, I attend meetings, listen to recovery podcasts, read recovery books, reach out to other OA fellows, journal/blog, and read/participate on email loops. I recently started using Twitter as a part of my recovery tools.

Do No Harm

I love the Buddhist’s rule: harm no living thing. It’s all about compassion. Being raised a Christian, I was taught the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

I was very anxious when I approached Step Eight. Sure, I could rant about the harm others had caused me. If it wasn’t so sad, it would have been comical how much difficulty I had seeing how I had harmed others.

The patterns I discovered that have done harm to me and others are:

--Manipulation
--Control
--Dishonesty
--Insensitivity
--Denial
--Stubborn

The reason I mentioned that Golden Rule is because I really had to question my belief system and I realized that over the years I really started twisting things. The Golden Rule is about treating people the way you would treat yourself. Well, somehow, I started thinking of it as a quid pro quo. I also realize that I somehow started treating people better than I would treat myself.

I remember one day reflecting how I would spend hundreds of dollars on my partner but would rarely spend any money on myself. I would go all out for others and leave nothing for myself, yet resent others for my behavior.

Happy Valentine's Day!

This year is the first time in 11 years I have celebrated Valentine’s Day as a single person. I had a really good day. The first thing I did this morning is tell myself how much I love me. I then posted it on my Facebook Wall: Happy Valentine’s Day, Sheila. I love you!

Humility

Hello! My name is Sheila and I am a compulsive overeater. It’s time to pull out the OA workbook and do some Step 7 work.

What is humility? Funny. Last night I read somewhere on the Internet that there is a difference between humility and humiliation. I already made my distinction. Understood. So, what is humility?

I guess more than anything, I understand what humility is not. Humility is the opposite of arrogance. It is someone who has her pride and ego in check.

I looked up the definition to get some clarity. According to Dictionary.com, humility is the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc. One of the synonyms is submissiveness.

I remember a guy at a meeting saying humility was the posture of prayer. I didn’t understand what he meant at the time but now I think I do.
Humility is all about asking for God’s guidance because I understand I cannot do things on my own. It is knowing that I power greater than myself can help me and asking for that help.

This continues to be something I struggle with because I am full of self-will, pride, and arrogance. I also admit that there is still a part of me that holds onto these character defects because I stubbornly think they work for me. What I am realizing is that any of my character defects can be assets, can be of service when in alignment with God’s will.

For instance, my therapist pointed out how my pride can be an asset to help me work on myself. My stubbornness is definitely helping me recover because I refused to give up. However, I know it is humility that reminds me that I am not doing this alone. I am only where I am today in my abstinence through the help of my H.P., my sponsor, and my OA family.
My constant prayer is Thy will, not my will, be done.