I feel myself sinking. I'm angry and I'm sad. I started therapy about three weeks ago. All these feelings are starting to surface and it's contributing to more urges. As my sponsor always says...this, too, shall pass. The nighttime is hard enough without all these other thoughts swirling around in my head. I will continue to turn over my will to Spirit. No matter what is going on inside my head or heart, I commit to sticking with my food plan. I will earn my 90-day coin.
I have to give myself credit for maintaining my abstinence. My almost 11-year relationship is over. I moved into a new place on Dec. 1. Work has been chaotic. My whole life and routine has been turned upside down and sideways. Through it all, Spirit, my OA friends, and my super awesome, supportive sponsor have been there to help. I know I cannot take all the credit for remaining abstinent. I have been working the steps -- 12 Steps in 12 Weeks. This has been ambitious. I'm just an overachiever. I need to add that to my list of character defects, huh?
Anyhow, I guess I will ramble on some more as this dark cloud hovers over me. The best thing about living alone is that I do not have to worry about trigger food being around. My ex often had things around that made these urges and cravings even more intense. I am going to breathe, pray, and meditate. I may attend an online meeting in a few meetings.
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