Just finished sharing with one of my meditation buddies…. He wanted to follow up on something we discussed during my Tuesday night talk. We were talking about how to create and maintain healthy boundaries without anger. For me, anger has been the catalyst for my boundaries.
Yesterday while I was sitting, it occurred to me that I forget to mention something very important that I learned in therapy last year. While I paid a great amount of attention to my ex’s words, I was not being as attentive to her behavior. This was a huge opportunity and breakthrough for me. Not everyone has the same level of integrity; they don’t mean what they say. While this was my value, it definitely was not hers. It’s not a judgment. It is what it is. For whatever reason, she’s a compulsive liar (and some believe may be a sociopath.) Anyhow, this is where it gets tricky for me because I need to figure how to pay attention, create healthy boundaries, and not feel this resentment that I’m someone’s babysitter. I know it will be better. She was just a master manipulator. She complained that I treated her like she was 12 yrs old. I gave her what she wanted and she couldn't handle it. This is the bottom line with that relationship. I’m so done with that.
Another thing that came up was that behind all the anger is fear. I'm afraid my ex probably never loved, appreciated, or respected me. I'm also afraid I never loved, appreciated, or respected myself enough to allow myself to be duped and manipulated.
I'm still so very grateful for the lessons I am learning. My relationships with people who do truly love and care for me and vice versa are so much better. I no longer waste my time with lopsided relationships.
This process also applies to myself. I want my words and actions to be in alignment. Working my program, working the steps is all about right relationships with myself, God, and others.
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