Karma

I spent some time this morning praying and meditating about how to best share my story on justifiable anger. I really want to speak from a place of experience, strength, and hope. I know that if I come from a place of Thy Will be done that I will be of usefulness to someone.

I found myself having to stop and pray and go meditate because there are still residual seeds of anger still present.

I also did some writing this morning that I won’t share here. It occurred to me that all the details do not matter. The details have the makings of a Lifetime movie or an episode on Snapped. This is just how surreal and frightening this whole situation was to me. What does matter is that I was extremely hurt by this individual. She betrayed my trust. She lied and manipulated. She was extremely cruel, deceptive, and unkind. I felt I had a right to be angry with her.

The truth is that I do not have a right to be angry with her or anyone else. What happens is best left up to God and Karma to resolve. If I want to recover, I must release all the anger I feel about the situation. I also need to acknowledge my part. I am not without blame. I am not a victim. It is also true that she is pathologically ill. If anything, I must demonstrate love and compassion toward her. Plus, it really wasn’t about me so I shouldn’t take it so personally. Accepting this really hurts because I thought I meant something to her, I thought we were friends. This, more than anything, really hurts me to my core.

I am very grateful I can look back at it all with a sense of peace. I will be forever grateful because it brought me to the place I am today. I probably would have never given up on that relationship. I wanted it and her so badly. However, today I know I deserve so much more. She never really had much to offer. I don’t have to be in a relationship with someone who expects more than she is willing to give.

I was ready to end the relationship five years before this all happened and I let her talk me into staying. That also pissed me off. I was willing to give her another chance but when it came to me having another chance for whatever reason she thought only of herself. But, I do not regret it. I still believe in treating people the way I wish to be treated. If they do not receive it in love, that is their problem not mine. The law of Karma works for so-called good as well as so-called bad. What I put out into the Universe, will come back to me also.