Being Grateful

I had a wonderful time at the retreat this weekend. The first night we were asked what we wanted from the retreat. I asked for willingness. More than anything, I pray for the willingness to do whatever it takes to recover. It was so nice to be surrounded by people who gave me so much hope. There are many people out there working their programs to the best of their abilities. It lets me know that if they can do it, I can too. The most profound thing I took away from the retreat is to be grateful for where I am in my program. So often I am frustrated with myself because I feel I should have dropped more weight by now; I should be more peaceful; I should be less anxious around certain foods; I should be able to eat certain foods and stop at a healthy serving, etc., etc., etc…. The reality is that there are plenty of people who would trade places with me in a heartbeat. I have been blessed with the gift of abstinence….no more slices of cake, cupcakes, cookies, brownies, Crunch and Munch, jelly beans, Mike and Ikes, Sour Patch Kids, potato chips, cheesecake – none of that stuff. It will be two years, by the grace of God, in October. There’s no way in food hell anyone could have convinced me I’d be able to stop eating that stuff up. While I know there is so much more I can do in my program, I will do a better job at giving myself credit for allowing God to do what I could not do for myself. It took a certain amount of surrendering to get where I am today. For this, I will be forever grateful. Through God’s amazing grace, gratitude, and the willingness to work my program, I will get to that place of serenity and the healthy body weight that I desire. My sponsee shared this with me this morning. It was right on time! I committed to not weighing myself this month and did not keep my commitment. Right before going on the retreat, I weighed myself. I’m not sure why. I just couldn’t take the anxiety. Anyhow, I also weighed myself when I returned. So I’m moving forward and staying off the scale until June 1. I cannot let some number dictate how I feel about myself. I allow that number to tell me if I’m going to be in a good or bad mood, if I’m going to like or dislike myself for the day, if I’m going to eat or not eat in a healthy manner, etc. Enough with the madness!