Dealing with some anger and resentment this week. Working on acceptance. I found out my ex may be attending a brunch I was invited to attend. I can't believe how much anger flooded into my spirit, anger and resentment I thought I had let go of. This is the most frustrating part. I'm more angry with myself than I am over the situation.
I wish I was emotionally mature enough to handle taking the risk of running into her but I'm not. There's still a lot of pain and unresolved issues as far as that's concerned. I thought I had accepted that I had accepted it. I thought I had worked on getting closure. Looks like there's still more work to be done.
This is why I'm angry with myself. I wish I could move on like others. My sponsor just says I need to accept where I am right now. I just know I still feel justified in holding onto this anger. However, it doesn't matter. She's sick. So what! So am I.
I just wish she hadn't been so cold and heartless, especially about not returning my mother's things. This is what troubles me so. I know they're long gone. I just don't understand how she could be so cruel.
Anyhow, there's a part of me that wants to show up just to confront her...but I won't. It is funny to be on this side knowing what I now know. It's really fascinating to watch someone who has no clue I really know what's up with her.
The bottom line is how she chooses to live her life is none of my business. I just need to continue doing my best to keep my side of the street clean. I am very grateful to God for helping me do this.
I'm abstinent. I've started jogging. I also signed up for swim lessons. I'm excited and scared. All I can do is continuing working on myself and leave the rest of that stuff to Spirit.
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