Tis the Season

I am not very happy with myself right now. I went out to eat last night and did not stick to my plan. I do not eat pizza very often. When I do, I stick to my plan – two slices and a side salad. Well, last night, I had three slices of pizza. Not good. I know my first mistake was not checking in with my sponsor when I arrived at the restaurant. I know I was all caught up in having a fun time at the concert, the holiday music, etc. It’s still no excuse. I have a plan and I need to stick to it! I did recognize that pause before I reached for that third slice but reached for it anyhow. SELF-WILL. Right then and there I should I’ve picked up my phone and texted my sponsor. Instead I chose to follow my self-will. I wanted to be normal and just eat like everyone else. Well, guess what? When it comes to food, I am not like everyone else! I cannot start bargaining with myself about food. I rationalized that it was okay to eat that third slice because I had been to the gym. It doesn’t matter. I need to always, always stick to my plan. If I am truly physically hungry, I can always have a snack later. The truth is that I wasn’t hungry and I felt way too full after dinner. I am grateful that I stopped after three slices. I am also grateful I was honest and promptly shared with my sponsor that I did not stick to my plan. She was actually more understanding about it than I was. Progress, not perfection, she reminded me. It really wasn’t as bad as I thought when I saw what I ate for the day on paper. Yesterday showed me just how important those before meal check ins are when I’m out. I sometimes feel like they are unnecessary. It’s not even something that my sponsor requires. However, after what happened last night, I see how much of an impact that little quick action of picking up my phone and committing to my sponsor that I will stay on plan means. It reminds me that I need to be aware while I out and eating with normal eaters. It’s also a gesture that demonstrates I have turned over my self-will. Today is a new day. I’m turning over my self-will and working my program, to the best of my ability, just for today. While it’s fine to reflect on the past and see my opportunities, it’s also important for me not to beat myself up about it. The experience also helps me to help my sponsee as they go out over the holidays. It’s so easy to get caught up in the moment. I’m also very surprised that I just admitted it to my sponsor right away. I’m so done with B.S. I refuse to carry around any additional unnecessary guilt. I’m trying to get rid of the crap I already have. No need to add more. Today’s another day to get it right. Progress, not perfection!