Well, this is a great question. For the most part, I was under the impression I was in touch with my feelings. I do not believe in false cheerfulness. I do not believe in hiding my feelings. If I’m sad, I’m sad. If I’m mad, you will know it. However, I now see how I managed my feelings by numbing them out with food. I used food to cope with disappointment and loneliness as a teen. In adulthood, I used food to cope with stress. As a student, I would eat and study. As a professional, I would eat and work. Munching kept me alert and awake.
During my previous relationship, I gained over 100 pounds. For the record, I accept full responsibility for my COE. However, I am now convinced that the weight gain was directly related to how I managed the stress of that relationship. While I believed I was happy in the relationship, I can see how tolerated certain situations by numbing out with food. The fact that my ex also loved to eat as much as I did indirectly contributed to my dis-ease too.
I used food to help me deal with my feelings so I would not experience them as intensely as they presented themselves.
So, the answer to the question is “no.” I was under the illusion I was in touch with my feelings. Now that I have been abstinent for almost eight months, I uncovered a tremendous amount of anger and resentment.
No comments:
Post a Comment