As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am going through the steps again with my sponsor. I completed Step Zero earlier this week. I am starting to work my way through the 12-step Workbook for Overeater's Anonymous.
I would say my compulsive eating started in my early teens. Up until 12 years old, I was underweight. I did not adjust well to adolescence and turned to food for comfort. I spent a lot of time babysitting my younger brothers and sister because my mother returned to school. I was responsible for preparing meals twice a week. Truthfully, I resented this responsibility. I wanted to be able to hang out with my friends after school. Instead, I had to rush home and prepare dinner.
I started experimenting with different recipes in order to cheer myself up and make the task less boring. I also developed an interest in baking. So, I cooked and ate. There were times I would have a full meal before I served dinner and would eat with the rest of the family. I started gaining weight and this isolated me even further from my peers. I was the fat, folly girl. From high school through grad school, my weight fluctuated between 170 to 210 pounds.
I continued to use food as a comfort and escape from my emotions throughout high school, college, and grad school.
I only made a few attempts to diet throughout my life. In my late 20s I tried Deal-A-Meal and most recently I tried Medifast. Although I was “heavy,” my weight did not “interfere” with my life until my 40s. I began having a number of obesity-related illnesses: Diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, and hypothyroidism. At my highest, I weighed 320 pounds. It wasn’t until I learned I had severe sleep apnea that I could no longer deny that food was destroying my life and my health. I couldn’t even walk around the block. When I tried to stop eating, I learned that I needed more than willpower to help me overcome my problem.
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