1. As I look with complete honesty at my life, how have I acted in an extremely irrational and self-destructive manner where eating is concerned?

I first have to deal with the first part of this question: looking with complete honesty at my life. For the past year, it has been very challenging for me to see how I have been in denial about a lot of things. This has been a very huge blow to my ego and pride. While there were a number of things I was in obvious denial about, I am now dealing with more subtle ways I continue to be in denial. So, with that said, I can move on.
The first way I have acted irrationally is in seeking comfort in food. It’s is so contradictory because as a COE excess food only offer discomfort.
Another way is isolation. Now that I have a greater sense of awareness, I see how I isolated from people so I could indulge in my food behaviors. There were many times I chose to stay home alone so I could eat rather than hang out with friends. I remember being hesitant to go places when I wasn’t sure when or if I was going to be able to eat. I preferred eating alone. The food tasted better and I could enjoy it even better if I was in the privacy of my home.
This isolation began early. I remember in my teens eating before or after my family because I wanted to eat alone. I would also ask my mother if I could eat in my bedroom. I guess she thought it was normal teenage behavior but I now think it was the beginning of isolating with food.
I think the most irrational and self-destructive thing I did was continue to eat when I wasn’t hungry or when certain foods were making me sick. I remember eating until I got diarrhea. I’d go to the bathroom, and then continue to eat. It makes me so sad to know what I was doing to my body.