The last couple of days have been really rough.
More friction with my sponsor. She sent me a scathing email. While she admits that it's her CD that cause her to react the way she does, I admit that I'm a bit impatient with it. I have my own CD's so I cannot judge, even this is exactly what I find myself doing.
I was reading about insight meditation yesterday and there was a discussion about how the middle way. It's basically the path of moderation. This is where I want to be in my recovery. Not so rigid in my program that I am not enjoying life and not so slack that I am in relapse.
However, I need to be sure it is not just my dis-eased way of thinking. The test for me is my willingness. Am I willing to do whatever it takes? The answer is yes. However, I am willing to do whatever it takes for me. This is where judgement rears its ugly head. If I have been willing to do something my sponsor has asked of me, it doesn't mean it necessarily has to work for me. I also feel I have a right to stop doing it -- as long as it is in keeping with the principles and traditions of OA. After all, there is the saying: take what you need and save the rest for later.
So there you have it.
Today I pray for peace and abstinent for all my OA fellows. I am grateful to all who have helped me to make it to this milestone, especially my sponsor.
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