Just a quick update on my fifth step...last week was a very busy week for both me and my sponsor so scheduling my fifth step was pushed back until next week.
I just had a nice chat with my sponsor about something that has been bothering me. I've had this nagging feeling for the past couple of weeks. Last night I was able to identify it.
I am beginning to question whether or not I've been abstinent. I have been following my food plan to the best of my ability. I have not touched any of my trigger foods. Yet, something still didn't feel "right" to me. Last night the light bulb went off.
When I started in this program, it was because I was beginning to gain back some of the weight I had lost on my own. I released additional weight while on OA. However, as I approach almost a year abstinence, I feel like I should be at my normal weight by now. In the back of my mind, I still have that goal weight in mind.
Last night I journalled about it and reminded myself about not touching any of my trigger foods and how that is a miracle in itself. I also reminded myself that am I on a journey, not a destination.
My sponsor shared that she also has similar thoughts that she will no longer have certain thoughts and feelings about her body, weight, or food. She was very honest and reminded me about my food diary that I have been turning in to her. She can see for herself that I have been abstinent. She also encouraged me to focus on the efforts of working my program, not the outcome. The most helpful thing she reminded me about was my character defect with having certain expectations. This gets me into trouble all the time.
At yesterday's meeting I shared about how I have to constantly remind myself about doing Step 3. My self-will gets in the say of so many things in my life.
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