Issues in Control

Lessons in Control For the past couple of weeks I’ve really had to take steps not to want to control people, places, and things. I’ve great reminders that I have control over no-thing! The first situation involves one of the persons I sponsor. I haven’t heard from her since the holidays began. While I hesitate to rush to judgment about what this means, I think I know what’s happened. She also went MIA during the Halloween and Thanksgiving holidays. I do my best to give the people I sponsor their space and dignity to work their programs. I am merely an instrument and guide. However, I am VERY annoyed that it’s been over a week and she has not returned my call or bothered to send me an email. I know it’s the dis-ease. We can do very hurtful, thoughtless, selfish, and destructive things to ourselves and others. Yesterday I found myself taking all this very personal. It’s not about me. I know she’s probably in a lot of pain and the best thing I can do is pray for her and wait for her to reach out.

The other one concerns my family. They are so out of control it’s not funny. I’m very frustrated with everyone in my family right now. The best thing I can do is distance myself a bit. There’s nothing I can do about any of it. I’m not even ready to start writing about what’s going on.

Then there’s my meditation group. I love my little sangha. As I was thinking about the things I’d like to contribute to the group, I really want everyone to be more disciplined about meditation and I think our discussions need more structure. I also want to get away from guided meditation. If we are saying we practice Vispassana meditation, we need to practice it correctly. Since attending the meditation retreat, I see how our group has many opportunities to improve. While I do not consider myself a meditation teacher, I do believe I can share what I’ve learn. Anyhow, I did less guiding in our meditation session last week. When I asked for feedback about the session, I learned some are not even meditating on a regular (I’m guilty too). Anyhow, all week I have been contemplating whether or not I’m going to bring this up during tonight’s meeting. I feel it’s important to say something. HOWEVER, I feel that part of my motivation is based in a need for control instead concern.

I am very grateful for the awareness I have about my need to control people, places, and things. I do think it’s hard to see opportunities and not what to see improvements in things. However, all I can do is focus my opportunities and areas of improvements. So, I will work on my program so that I am a spiritually fit sponsor, I will stop taking inventory of my family members, and I will continue working on my meditation practice and lead by example.