Keeping My Side of the Street Clean

This situation with my sponsor has really been bugging me.

I’ve thinking this situation really isn’t good for my self-esteem.  After all, who wants a sponsor who won’t even speak with you on the telephone?  I was falling into victim mentality.  It’s so like me to want to be a martyr.  I am not a victim!  I refuse to allow this negativity into my consciousness!  New sponsor or not…the common denominator is me.  My job is to take my own inventory.  My job is to take care of myself and make sure I keep my side of the street clean.  If I am doing this to the best of my ability, I have done all I can do. 

This morning I realized I’ve been here before -- me feeling like I’m to blame for everything; me feeling like the other person does not feel like she at fault at all in a situation; me feeling like my perspective was not even considered. It does take two.  I used to feel like a monster when I felt my ex misunderstood me.  Is this a pattern?  Perhaps.  It certainly feels like it.  Whatever it is, I know there is an opportunity for growth.

Anyhow, I plan to continue doing my check-ins with my sponsor while praying for guidance, praying for humility, praying for answers. If a new sponsor is in order, I know God will direct me to her.  After all, I wasn’t even looking for a sponsor when I found my current one.