I am a private person. I don’t like talking about myself. Step Five scared me. Not only did I have to admit my wrongdoing with myself, I also had to share them with another person? WTH???
I was not happy about the fact that I had to share my Step Four inventory with someone else. Although I absolutely adore my sponsor and knew she was not going to judge me, I really wanted to skip over this step. I hate feeling out of control. I hate feeling vulnerable. I’m not very good with sharing my thoughts and feelings.
It was very hard admitting to another person some things about myself and things that I had done that no one else knew about. Not only were my deep dark secrets written down, now, I had to confess them to someone else. I was very resistant to this process.
The truth was that not wanting to share had nothing to do with my privacy or shyness. It had everything to do with my ego, my pride, and my arrogance. I didn’t want to admit to myself and to someone else that I had not been perfect. I did not want to admit I had lied, cheated, stole, manipulated, used, and had not lived up to the mask and façade I wear and present to the world.
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