My Complusive Eating History



Oh God...where do I start.  As I have shared in my other blog, I was under to normal weight until I hit about 12 or 13.  This is when I started gaining weight.  Looking back, I eat because I was bored and frustrated. 

Being the oldest meant I took on a lot of adult responsibility...cooking...housework...you know name it.  As far as my parents were concerned, they had a built-in housekeeper and nanny.  So, part of me coping was to find some enjoyment out of my duties.  I cooked and tasted and baked and ate.  In fact, by the time I was in high school, I was probably doing most of the cooking, especially during the holidays.  My father even preferred my cooking to my mother's cooking...and she was a very good cook! 

Anyhow, I was eat a whole meal while cooking and then sit down with my family to eat again.  If a baked cookies, I would probably eat a dozen on my own. 

Because I was the oldest, I didn't hang out with my friends like a regular teenager.  So, I was at home eating and eating.  The more weight I gained the more I isolated.  When I did have the opportunity to hang out, I opted to stay home reading and snacking in my room.  This was my favorite pasttime.  A good book and a bunch of goodies.

During my senior year and through college, I weigh any where from 175 - 185.  During my late high school and college years, I developed this weird thing where I didn't like eating in front of others.   At home, I ate before or after my family.  If my mother was in a good mood, I could eat in my room.  In college, I didn't even get on the meal plan because I didn't want to eat in the dining hall.  I had a hot plate, fridge, and a toaster oven in my room.  I ate a lot of pasta and frozen pizza in college and grad school.  I stayed in the 180 range most of my 20's and 30's. 

When my mother passed in 1998, my eating became even worst.  This is when I really started bingeing.  I remember going from McDonald's to Taco Bell and then the grocery store for ice cream and snacks before going home for a feast.  I would eat and eat and eat until I got diarrhea.  By the time I knew it, I was 210.

This is when I met my ex.  Let's just say my ex loved to eat too.  So we ate and ate.  It was fun at first.  We used to joke that we were eating our way through Atlanta.  Then, things started getting bad and I started eating to deal with the stress of the relationship.  Often after we fought, my ex would bring home cake, Crunch and Munch, cookies, cheesecake, Jelly Bellies, or cupcakes as a peace offering.  I woke up one day and I weighed 310!

To be continued....